he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
