He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he told me I talked like a deaf person
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
