It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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