The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
