After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
