I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
