I got chris browned last night
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
His hands were made for my vagina.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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