I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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