my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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