also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
