Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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