Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
