i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
