at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
