And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
