you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
