Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
