she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
