I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
