he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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