Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
