Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
