i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We need to get me chipped asap
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
