I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
