Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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