every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
