this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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