I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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