Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she smelled like a LAN party
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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