I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
