You kept calling me your small dog last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
