what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
