I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
