took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
True college students do jello shots in the library
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
