i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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