guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
