I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
