he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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