she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize