Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
