i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
