You really coming over, don't trick.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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