This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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