my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He did a backflip because drugs
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
