im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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