It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
