There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
