Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
