covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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