Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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