some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
