Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
