if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
