Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
