I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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