After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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