even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Every concussion has its silver lining
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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