i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
