Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
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