I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
