he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
