His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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