the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize