I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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