I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
