Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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