I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize