Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
