he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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