I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
