My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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