I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
