she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
