You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
