so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
