Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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