ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
