I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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