I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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